Wednesday, June 15, 2011
“Marriage is sometimes entered into lightly, but the reality is that it’s a commitment which needs nurturing and patience in order to be successful. The secret to a long and happy marriage is not really secrets at all.
Just know how to retain the love and friendship which brought you together in the first place,” Women’s Bantabaa finds out.
Logically yes, women who deem that men do most of the cheating do cheat on their husbands. Women cheat just as much as men do. To say who cheats more would be more of a guess, even though there are basic statistics out there suggesting that men cheat more than woman, but a survey conducted by Women’s Bantabaa reveals that cheating women are just as common as cheating men.
Infact some women who spoke to Women’s Bantabaa said women are catching up fast in cheating their partners.
Yet, this has brought a strong debate because there is a believed in our societies that only men cheat. Suspicion and evidences of cheating have lead to many divorces.
We first caught up with Muhammad Jallow, a father of two who said he is not even sure if his wife has once cheated on him.
“But I know women cheat more than men now and they cheat for different reasons, sometime for lack of sexual satisfaction, lack of love from their marital partners or material interest in other men.”
He added: “But the day I find out my wife has cheated on me she will not spend the night in my house. That will be the end of the relationship no matter what love brought us together.”
When asked if he has ever cheated on his wife, Muhammad has these to say.
“I believe that if you choose to have a relationship with someone, then you should both love each other before you make the commitment. Women cheating on their husbands have become a concern to men especially married men,” Mberry Bah told women’s Bantabaa.
Mberry whose husband is out of the country for almost 10 years said she have never cheated on his husband.
“I can be sure of mine, but I don’t know what he is up to. I don’t know if he has cheated on me or not. Even if he did and I know it, it will not prompt me to do the same, because relationship is about loyalty.”
She said women cheat but tend to hide or downplay the extent of their extramarital affairs, while men tend to inflate their number of affairs and sexual partners. She added that one of the main reasons why some women cheat is that men fail to give them the attention they need. she said: “ Its is the basic element of any relationship especially for married couples.”
Buba Sillah, 26, believes that women cheat only when their husbands failed to show them love, respect and support they deserve from them.
If this happen, he said some women may look elsewhere to have their emotional and physical needs fulfilled he added.
We (women) generally cheat as a last resort when all our complaints are left unheard, said Binta Saidy.
“As a last resort, a woman may cheat, but generally for emotional reasons rather than for sexual reasons. Many women became unfaithful for reasons that could be easily rectified by their husbands who are willing to make the extra work within a relationship,” she added.
For this reason she said:
“I believe that the majority of the cheating by women is preventable.”
“Cheating by men may also be preventable through greater communications in every aspect of the relationship. Some kind of mutual agreement that benefits both in the relationship is always the best,” she added.
Filly Bangura, a divorced woman said many married women also develop a habit of secrecy about smaller issues in their relationship as a way of maintaining some kind of control.
A woman, she said, will cheat when she feels her needs are not being fulfilled or she has spoken to her partner about this and has got not any respectful response.”
When ask if women are catching up fast in cheating their husbands, David Colley had this to say: “Women tend to look their best at work. They want to look attractive and presentable to their bosses. In the workplace, men see women in their best and not the same when they’re at home. Women harass men too. Cheating at the workplace is a very big problem and it’s happening between men and women.”
For Paul Mendy, men cheat but women are the mastermind of the game. “Can you imagine my wife who I have always trusted cheated on me for three years with my cousin without a single knowledge about it? After realizing her extra marital affairs with him, they decided to marry.
According to Mariama Ceesay, a 35-years-old businesswoman, women especially married ones cheat even with their husbands’ close relatives, while their husbands are away. “Young women will start to consider the kind of life they want, what kind of job or house they aspire to live in, how many children they’d like and what kind of partners. Emotionally, they make plans and have strategies, while men are more impulsive. And if they fail that, they started dating outside marriage,” she added
A married man who does not want to be named said: “Why would a woman want to cheat on his husband? “As a loving and devoted husband I wonder why this question because I have no desire to be in that position. But the question remains: “What compels a woman to forget his marriage vows and commits adultery,” he said, adding most women lie when they are dating outside marriage so much that often we don’t even think of it as lying at all,” he added.
Marriage, he said, is a real thing while love is an ideal thing,”
According to Raymond Sylva, a cobbler her ex-wife has cheated on him for 3 three years by having an extra marital affairs with his best friend.
“Not only did she cheat on me, but divorced me as well and married my friend.
Mr Sylva who fears that the same thing will happen if he marries again said:
“This will always be in my memory because I hate to be hurt.”
Mohammed Tambala, a pharmacist said women cheat because men spend more time with their female colleagues at work than with their wives at home.
“The workplace is also a fertile ground for cheating, because people tend to leave their grumpy feelings behind when they go to work. At home, people are stressed over bills, taking care of the kids and problems with their spouse.”
Neneh Cham told Women’s Bantabaa that women cheat because they don’t want to stay in the relationship but feel they cannot get out of the marriage for some reasons. “When a man or a woman cheats while in a marital relationship, it is obvious that they do not love their spouses the way it should be.”
I have known my wife for 38 years, and have been married for 33 years and neither of us has cheated on the other,” said Mr. Haman Dooley proprietor of Lily Supermarket.
“The answer to being a faithful husband or wife is simply to have trust in God. He is there to help men and women in times of temptation,” he added.
Author: Binta Bah